September 2005 - Of Satsumas and Muppets and Toilet Roll

Thursday, September 29, 2005

WTF?

So why the title? [N.B. The title of my old blog was "I'm a Satsuma"] This is something I said out of nowhere to a bewildered group of close friends one Sunday afternoon more recently than I care to admit. At the time it made perfect sense and amused me so much that I almost fell off my chair - but I'm sure the booze and spliff I had about an hour beforehand probably helped. But only probably. So what is this blog about? Well, me actually - me, me MEEEEEEEEEEEE - it's all about me (sorry I came over all band frontman there - and I've known a few of those in my time, heavens I even married one but that's a story or several for another day) and where I find myself now - approaching 30 with a house, a good job, an almost final divorce, a new fella, the greatest and oddest set of friends in the world (more about them to come I'm sure) and a set of baggage that I'm working on. Is it just me that isn't quite where I thought I'd be at this stage? I think not. If you're still 12 in your head and you're wondering what the hell happened to land you where you've ended up closing fast on the big three-oh, then read on...



All my friends are muppets

OK, so how many of you can say that almost all of your mates (including yourself) look like, or have in fact been likened to a muppet? I would guess most of you have at least one or two, but I reckon my muppet to mate ratio is pretty well up there with the best of them. I have at least two Beakers (who are married to each other for an added kinky twist - although one of them has also been likened to Animal, as he plays the drums with a maniacal open mouth grin/grimace and used to have really big hair), one Ralph (the piano playing dog - you'd remember if you saw him), a Miss Piggy (sort of - well, she's scary anyway and could probably knock you for six with her handbag) who is going out with a Kermit (who is also a girl - ish) and to top it all off I used to be married to Dr Teeth but now I'm going out with Professor Bunsen Honeydew. Maybe I have a muppet fettish. Not surprising really, as I myself have been likened to the bald eagle (apparently it's my brows when I frown) by my boyfriend. I don't know quite what that says about him either to be honest. For myself I think I'm more like a cross between Scooter (fighting against overwhelming odds - and occasionally my own incompetence - to keep things running and get the show on the road) and Mad Harry (who was completely insane and seemed to spend all his time throwing fish at people and blowing things up - nuff said I think).



Friday, September 30, 2005

Work: Have you ever...?

Have you ever been so bored at work that you poked your thumbs in your eyes just for something to do? Have you ever sloped off to the loo for a quick afternoon nap and then woken up with your face stuck to the toilet roll an hour later? Have you ever delegated all your work to someone more junior than you because it was so boring that you couldn't face it and then spent all afternoon playing on ebay, on messenger or writing a blog? Have you ever gone to have a cigarette outside because you were bored and ended up staying and having three in a row just because you can't face going back to work?

Welcome to my world.